March 30, 2012 // 9:42 PM
I SWEAR I'VE CHANGED.
I have come to a realisation that it's stupid to expect to earn something when I make no effort at all. I always give people shit for not caring about school but am I any different? I don't think so.
This week has been really overwhelming explaining all the breakdowns but I think today was the worst as my heart still hurts. DO YOU GET THAT FEELING WHERE YOUR HEART JUST HURTS? I'm not in bad shape or anything but like when you're sad and stuff? Man, such a shit feeling. MY INNER CONFLICT IS ACTUALLY IMPACTING MY PHYSICAL HEALTH.
Speaking of which, I went to the doctors today and he assigned me a lot of drugs for my face. Apparently I have eczema and acne at the same time... GRADE 3 ACNE? ... THERE ARE 4 GRADES. DA FAQ??!?!!?!!? :'( Yeah... then I have to take these pills cos I have clogged pores on my arms so that's why they're bumpy. HAHAHA. HE EVEN DREW A DIAGRAM TO EXPLAIN IT. LOL... MY SWEAT GLANDS ARE BLOCKED SO WHEN I SWEAT, THE SWEAT CAN'T ESCAPE SO DRIES UP AND TURNS INTO A SMALL LUMP... YUCK!!!!
So, now I have to follow this crazy ass regime which involves too much work. I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS STUFF AT... SUNSET. Yeah, he specifically said SUNSET then again at night. :( I CAN'T GO PLAY WITH MY PEERS IN THE SUN SO I SHOULD JUST STAY IN THE AIR CONDITIONED LIBRARY. I CAN'T HAVE NUTS!!!! NOOO, YOU KNOW I LOVE NUTS. BAHAHAHA. CAN'T EAT TOO MUCH FRIED AND DAIRY STUFF. So, I'm pretty much on a diet...
I hate it when I create perfect images of people then my expectations come tumbling down. Dull people are so dull. Stop that.
I knew my love for people would not last for long. URGH. Maybe people never want to talk to me because I'm a snob. I am not that much of a snob... I sometimes try but I don't get a reaction. I JUST DON'T WANT TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE IF THEY DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME. OMG.... I JUST REALISED WHY I ACT LIKE THAT. FEAR OF REJECTION. O my lord. i am a genius. WOW.
I don't think people care about my opinion so sometimes I think it's a waste of time even talking at all. I should just cut those people from my life, right??? Then I won't be left with many people.... LOL. You know what's worse? WHEN PEOPLE DON'T EVEN PRETEND TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I'M EVEN SPEAKING. I KNOW YOU'RE IGNORING ME, CUNT. YET YOU EXPECT ME TO CARE ABOUT YOUR SHIT? No thanks.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO TAKE CONTROL OF ME. I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW HOW I'M FEELING. BLOODY LEAVE ME ALONE.
Nts: Don't get mad or jealous. People are just shallow. BE CALM.
P.S. I LOVE HURLSTONE. If you think you're better than us, why are you even here? Shouldn't you be somewhere better and not this shit hole? Got an answer for me? No? I thought so. LMAO